Week 6 NFL Picks From The Best Year Ever, As The Prophets Foretold

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These week 6 NFL Picks, in the midst of the apocalypse with a plan to spend eternity on the frozen floor of hell, would like to point out that the Cleveland Browns are 4-1.

And speaking of hell, the Browns travel to Pittsburgh this week where the 4-1 Pittsburgh Steelers will disappear, like a miracle, to quote America’s most eloquent statesman.

All signs point to a Cleveland Browns Super Bowl championship, and to the end of the world. I just hope the Browns championship comes first.

The apocalypse is obviously here, and clearly hell has frozen over because all that ice from the polar ice cap has to go somewhere. And so the prophecy written long ago is coming true. 

The prophecy clearly states that when this happens, that shall happen.

“This” is a once a century worldwide pandemic, and “that” is a Cleveland Browns championship. It is simple prophetic math. I learned it in Catholic school.

While a worldwide pandemic is regrettable, an epic economic collapse is not ideal, and a once great nation ripping apart at the seams is unfortunate, look at the bright side. The Cleveland Browns are finally a good football team.

Until last week, four horsemen of the apocalypse were seen causing havoc in society, but last Sunday the Browns took care of the Colts.

And so perhaps, just maybe, the Cleveland Browns can save the world. Cheering for the Browns is exactly like rooting for a Marvel Superhero against the forces of evil. It always has been, except the forces of evil usually win.

And now that the forces of evil are run amok, it’s clear we need a good Cleveland Browns team more than ever. Thankfully, they have risen to the occasion to help make this such a fun year.

In fact, 2020 is obviously the greatest year ever. So much is going right in 2020 that I, just like you, can’t wait to see what’s gonna happen. 

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BROWNS AT STEELERS – Browns 40, Steelers 38

BENGALS AT COLTS – Bengals 23, Colts 20

BRONCOS AT PATRIOTS – Patriots 27, Broncos 17

LIONS AT JAGUARS – Jaguars 27, Lions 20

WASHINGTON AT GIANTS – Giants 30, Washington 23

TEXANS AT TITANS – Texans 28, Titans 21

BEARS AT PANTHERS – Panthers 22, Bears 17

RAVENS AT EAGLES – Ravens 34, Eagles 24

FALCONS AT VIKINGS – Falcons 37, Vikings 31

JETS AT DOLPHINS – Dolphins 24, Jets 3

PACKERS AT BUCCANEERS – Packers 34, Buccaneers 30

RAMS AT 49ers – Rams 31, 49ers 22

CHIEFS AT BILLS – Chiefs 35, Bills 15

CARDINALS AT COWBOYS – Cowboys 30, Cardinals 23

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This column is sponsored by the rigged game show, “So, You Want To Be On The Supreme Court”